Diablos y angeles

7

Patriots lost. The better team did win. Now I just hope Richard Sherman and the Seahawks kick the snot out of Peyton and Vinatieri.

If something doesn’t change despite what you think are your best efforts, you must ask yourself why. Maybe it’s not really your best efforts, or maybe you are not really committed, or maybe you’re just self-sabotaging in some way.

I have been annoying the snot out of my therapists for a while now; none of them can figure out why my shoulder is still not healed. And of course, now there’s the new injury to the left deltoid, that’s almost certainly going to cause me to sit out the competition I’ve done every single year since I started competing.

Well, maybe it’s because I keep trying to use my shoulders. It’s one thing not to do muscle ups and ring dips; but maybe kipping handstand pushups, butterfly pullups, throwing 45kgs overhead multiple times in a workout, and cleans that are about as heavy as I am are not things you should be doing …. Even if there’s no pain.

So I said fine, I’ll back off and not do anything that involves a hinging or rotation of the shoulder. Still leaves me with plenty I can do, and we will see how I go.

Just a little pretty to go with my Saturday breakfast

Just a little pretty to go with my Saturday breakfast

Another thing I have noticed: 85kgs on the bar feels heavy when you’ve had 6.5 hours sleep, and light when you’ve had 9.5. Funny how that works, eh?

Letting things go; and letting the angel on your shoulder sing her song.

I feel like I’m biding my time. Until the next release, until this deal is inked, until I’m next in Joburg, until I’m healthy. Life is what happens while you’re making other plans, but I’m struggling because my little devil (diablo pequeño) would rather just that I rest. A strange form of adrenal fatigue, perhaps.

And then there are the irritations: the people who want you to somehow to control through sheer force of will what’s outside of your control; the company you’re dealing with that behaves like a petulant child; the bug that affects everything; unexpected delays; expected delays. But some things should not be rushed.

These chickens lay the eggs served at the guest house for breakfast

These chickens lay the eggs served at the guest house for breakfast

What did I really enjoy this week?

  • Finalising the WAPA press release announcing our partnership with the WBA
  • A company meeting where we talked about our market context, competitors, and the magical thing known as ‘offload’
  • A product requirements review with the dev team (my first one since 2010!)
  • Being back at my two ‘home’ gyms: CrossFit Kyalami and Cape CrossFit
  • Adaptation; there was a time I couldn’t squat 85kgs once and now I do it 57 times in a session. Not in a row. But still
  • Seeing friends I hadn’t seen in ages
  • Getting really comfortable in a handstand
  • A realisation that I had been looking at something wrong for a very, very long time
  • The freedom of letting go of some emotional baggage I didn’t realise the extent of until it was gone
  • Being very close to launching new things, which is always exciting
  • Seeing numerous comments of mine make it into official feedback to ICASA (indirect lobbying to help the industry is part of my non-profit work)

I also quite enjoyed this semi ode to Johannesburg, which I read on my mobile while exhausted from a long day. Love the photos; love the love that comes out in the writing. Jozi is a place that I really used to dislike, and that Capetonians go on and on about.

We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I love the Cape Dutch architecture; the Victorian architecture; the sunsets over Lion’s Head and Signal Hill; the hibiscus trees in Vredehoek; Camps Bay; the alleys of Sea Point; the majesty of Table Mountain; the winelands; the harbour. It is stunning.

Where else but here?

Where else but here?

But as much as I love Cape Town, I also love Joburg. And there is a lot to love. I’ve got some people up there that I am really looking forward to spending more time with; and some that I have been spending more time with and I enjoy it more and more each time.

More words of wisdom (not mine): “Most doors in life will be closed. If you find one you wanna go through, make sure you have an interesting knock!” Smart boy. Smarter than me, sometimes, methinks. Wisdom comes in interesting places.

Also make sure the devil on your shoulder doesn’t keep you from going through. They say opportunity only knocks once.

I don’t believe that, exactly, but if you didn’t go through the first time what makes you think it will be different the second time?

Three second memory?

Three second memory?

How you react to everything around you can change. Listen to the devil; listen to the angel. They are both there for a reason, and you grow a lot more by taking the devil, listening, and telling it thank you very much but you won’t be shackled by fear.

What is there to fear, anyway? If you believe you’ll make it through the workout you will. Belief won’t heal my shoulder, but lack of belief will, I am quite certain, keep it from getting better.

Seeing the writing on the wall is one thing. Choosing to read it is another.

But you can’t change or fix what you refuse to identify.

I will not be shackled by fear. I can’t be. It’s not the path I find myself on.

Hibiscus trees. I used to love these shrubs as a kid, but they always died in Vermont as house plants. :(

Hibiscus trees. I used to love these shrubs as a kid, but they always died in Vermont as house plants. 😦

Reminds me of the time when I was a kid that I got my foot wedged between a fork in a pear tree in the yard and I was hanging upside down, stuck, and screaming and crying. But of course no one could hear me. Eventually I realised that I was just tiring myself out and figured out a way to haul myself back up to the point where I could get my foot free.

Problem solved. You may be terrified, in a new situation, or staring at a brink of something really amazing. You can turn back to safety, or you can embrace the unknown.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Then again – wolf in sheep’s clothing. Sometimes the devil encourages you  to do something you should not. Of course, you normally do know the difference. You just don’t want to admit it.

  • “Oh come on, now, why you have to go and do that?” – Rudolph (he was trying to kill me so I suggested if he’d rather another boss there were easier ways to accomplish the same thing!)
  • “I know; I know, he’s heard this before.” “Well now he’s heard it from me, too.” “Oh. Shit.” “That’s ok. It’s my first time.” – Rick & Ellie (I’m learning how things actually work at CFK!)
  • “I know I’m being harsh with you.” “It’s not harsh. It’s reasonable.” – Benjy & Ellie
  • “When will we see you again?” – the friendliest security guard I’ve ever met
  • “So basically, dude, you have these wireless routers..” – Piers
  • “There’s a collective consciousness of ants?” – Ellie
  • “We have to believe they make a difference, otherwise my job has no meaning!” – Sam
  • “Try not to stress out too much.” – Stefan
  • “’It’s not an ego thing. It’s a girl thing. Either you call me, or you don’t!’” – Liz, quoting herself
  • “That’s why you should never piss off IT guys.” – Craig
  • “A shoulder problem is a hip problem.” – Byron
  • “When you’re practicing, your technique improves as you go on. When you’re working out, your technique degrades.” – Coach JJ
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