CNS fail


So it turns out that hospital visit affected me much worse than I thought at the time. I tell you when I was lying on that ground in Durban and my brain wasn’t working properly, it is interesting just exactly who, and what you think about, with what emotion, and why.

One of the things I thought about was something along the lines of ‘I wonder if I have really screwed up and won’t be able to compete again.’ Seemed silly a few hours later and I was back to doing burpees and heavy snatches by the next day.

But then I tried to wake up in the morning to train, and just didn’t feel like it. Fine, whatever, you can rationalise that, and I’m sure I needed a rest week anyway. But then comes the need to do qualifier workouts for an upcoming competition and so I march to the gym, completely not in the mood, get dizzy doing three burpees in a warmup and a 43kg front squat feels like 55. Insane, and not cool. I somehow managed to post one of the top female scores for the first qualifier workout, but the second one was an embarrassment where I could not generate any explosive power whatsoever. By the time the third one came around I was on doctors’ orders to take it easy so I walked through it. Still scored pretty much the same as I did in the Open last year so I can’t complain too much.

The upshot? Central nervous system in some kind of a compromised state. The fix? As I said above, take it easy. No heavy weights, no metcons. Where’s the fun in that, I ask?

Yes, I live here. Pinch me.

Yes, I live here. Pinch me.

I had a spontaneous dinner with the beautiful Carla, and it’s been great for me to get to know her and watch her learn and grow through all sorts of challenges. What a tough chick she is, and she is pretty much the only person I told who REALLY understands just how weird and embarrassing it is for your body not to do what you want. I mean, not to be able to clean more than 65kgs? That’s just stupid. But also to talk about careers, and how it doesn’t actually go the way that you expect, and how you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable with doing what you like. I’m not entirely comfortable with what I like doing. But that doesn’t mean stop. It means the opposite. Boredom is death.

So is immaturity and being childish, which I think is the biggest issue she had in her last relationship. Not like I’m any expert by any means but just to be able to talk through similar experiences is cathartic for everyone.

Oh, and then there is gossiping about the gossips. My word. Now as much as I do like to vent, at least let there be a reason for it other than spiteful jealousy. Hmm, what was I saying about being childish?

So other than eating and sleeping and not training, what did I do? Well, I went back to Joburg. To sell. To work with my consortium partners, yes, but mostly, to sell in various ways, shapes, and forms. To channel partners. To the press. And on and on it goes.

Also to clown around with these ones!

Also to clown around with these ones!

To sell is to tell a story. And to really hook an audience, you need to understand your audience and tailor your story as you go along. This means that you need to know your material, know how to read people, know how to think on your feet, and for goodness sake, don’t ever get scared. Don’t be afraid to lose. Because you will lose. More often than you win; if you have a close ratio > 50% that’s pretty well magic. Losing is just part of the game.

So anyway, I can be pretty persuasive when I want to; and I can be charming when I want to. But I don’t always want to, especially not if I don’t like you, or if I’m cranky for one of many reasons why I might be cranky. Usually lack of sleep.

I also don’t do disingenuous well, or to put it simpler: I’m a lousy liar. It’s never that hard to figure out what I want. Is that true? Hmm, well sometimes my end is hidden about seven steps from the current one but that’s just what you get when you’re playing strategic games most of the time.

I hate playing games, about as much as I hate when people are needy. Let me rephrase that one: as much as I find games of strategy and leverage interesting, I hate not being able to put everything out there. I’ll maybe go into more detail in another post on what I do and don’t like. Complexity and varied conversation and interest, yes. What I definitely don’t like? Setting people up to fail, gossip, and backstabbing.

Well, unless those people are my competitors. All’s fair in love and war.

Clowns; all three of us

Clowns; all three of us

Even still, there’s a level of underhandedness to which I will not stoop, any more than I would ever wilfully lie or mislead. You don’t set things up to fail. You just don’t. At least, I don’t. Not on purpose.

Jacarandas. I love jacarandas, and I think I’ve discovered why. They are the lilacs of South Africa. Same colour, same ephemeral nature, same ability to completely transform a normal plant into something spectacular but only for a short time.

Soooooooo pretty though

Soooooooo pretty though

Isn’t it true, though, that everything in life is ephemeral? Our work, our friends, our wants, our desires, our hates, our homes, our possessions we care soooooo much about.

Yeah. We’re strange creatures. To quote God Street Wine, “We build palaces in the air, and when those palaces fall apart, we cry for what was never there.”

So, to worry about my central nervous system is also a bit strange. I mean, sure I compete. But does competing define me? I’ll have to retire at some point. Does my work define me? Ten years from now I’ll surely be doing something different.

Enjoy the process, I guess. Take time to smell the roses. I normally don’t but that doesn’t mean I am doing the right thing!

Like these, maybe?

Like these, maybe?

I just keep telling myself things will change. But nothing happens unless you make it happen.

  • “Some girl got 90 reps!!! Do you know her?” “Yes.” “But how about you? You can probably get 90 reps, right?” “Not today.” – Lisa & Ellie (I got 90 reps)
  • “What’s the women’s weight?” “33.” “Oh, that’ll be nothing for you!” “But this feels heavy!” “That’s 43.” – Conrad & Ellie
  • “Jozi girl.” “Yeah. … I like it there.” – Lush & Ellie
  • “Yeah. I’m not sure I’d like to ‘experience’ the Open. But if I want to compete at Regionals I have to do it.” – Ellie
  • “Oooh, that’s the guy we want. How do I meet him?” – Ellie
  • “I hate this thing with a living passion. … I still hate _____ more.” – Ellie
  • “A 2K row is not that bad.” “Did you just say a 2K row is not that bad?” “If you’re going to be doing Fittest in Cape Town, you may find that you’re doing something worse than a 2K row.” “….” – Jobst & Ellie
  • “He’s getting a bit flirty!” “Flirty? I thought you were going to say snippy.” “Yeah, it’s borderline unprofessional!” – Jade & Ellie (welcome to telecoms)
  • “Yeah. But he didn’t know how carrier offload worked. But that’s ok. I’m not sure our carriers know how carrier offload works.” – name omitted to protect the snarky …
  • “’We pulled it back up.’ ‘Back up where?’ ‘Back up to the roof of the theatre!’” – Rudolph
  • “What am I doing?” “I don’t know. You’re thinking about cake?” “Yes, I’m thinking about cake. No. I’m not thinking about cake. I’m thinking about wine.” – Ellie & Anita
  • “I was dreaming of popups and little bars floating across my screen …” – Adam
  • “You are seriously hooking them. _____ does NOT just hand out POCs!” “Oh really now? Well apparently they do!” – Tristan & Ellie
  • “Tomorrow we set a plan to cook the elephant.” – Tristan
  • “I don’t like Cape Town any more.” – Rick
  • “The President of Nigeria owns this one penthouse.” “WOW! This is really good bacon.” – Lance & Ellie
  • “I don’t officially know that. Just so you know.” “That’s ok. Neither do we.” – Ellie & Tristan
  • “That sounds like the Holy Grail.” “Yes. And we can do it right now.” – Ellie & Tristan
  • “Oh! You did NOT just call my Samsung substandard! Wait, what was that about frenemies? See what just happened here?” – Ellie (yeah I’m gullible)
  • “Tell me I’m more important to you than the guys from Ruckus!” – no comment
  • “What would your friends from Kyalami say?” – Blake
  • “I promise you it’s going to be tiring. But workouts are supposed to be tiring.” – Rick
  • “Well now that’s quite a statement.” – Jan
  • “Never be like the others!” – Sam
  • “Oh. I need at least two tequilas before I talk about that.” – Ellie
  • “We have to brand this product. And we can’t call it SIN.” “Yeah we can’t call it SIN.” “What’s the opposite of SIN?” “Amish.” – Megan, Ellie & Tristan
  • “No, you can’t get data that way. You have to get it the legitimate way.” “Yeah. Get Ellie to get it.” – Megan & Tristan





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